Pop uncultured

Girl at playground: Do you like Frozen?
Kiddo: I like frozen peas.

crafty

What happens when there are lots of crafty people in the family:

"Mama, I'm gonna knit you a quilt pillow!"

Eggcorn 2

Kiddo 1 is holding Kiddo 2 on the couch and looks up at me (the baby-holding assistant) excitedly.

"She got a heartbeep!"

What...?

A couple about our age is walking past, and the man looks down at my tiny baby and gives us an "Aww w!"

His female companion elbows him in the side and hisses, "We talked about this!"

yup

Also overheard, from a British father to his family touring the Hoover Dam: "We're in the shade, and it's STILL hot!"

Overheard at Hoover Dam

I was changing the Little Bit when two college-age girls walked into the bathroom.

Girl A: Oooh, a baby! I want a baby. My dream is to have at least two babies... max two babies... at least one.
Girl B: My dream is to go backpacking in Europe.

Not helpful

Kiddo is wailing.

Me: What's wrong? Did you hit something?
Her: I hit the floor!

Threat

T.G. couldn't play with the kiddo in just the way she wanted, so she picked up a duffel bag that was sitting on the floor and started to stomp away.

T.G.: Going somewhere?
Kiddo: I'm leaving. I'm taking Mama.

Gaming the system

I told the kiddo she could have a snack when her movie was over.

Fifteen minutes later, with some time left on the movie, she calls to me: "Mom, I'm done with Lightening McQueen." And the TV clicks off.

So she comes in the kitchen, and we get her snack. She takes it back in the living room.

And turns the TV back on to finish the movie.

Many parts, one body

The kiddo got a rather nasty gash on her big toe this morning, which we cleaned up and bandaged. She spent quite a while sitting on my lap recovering her composure. As she began to feel better, she started examining her foot.

"I'm so sowwy I got a hole in you, Toe. Feew better."