Kids see the darnedest things

Kiddo and I were in her bedroom, doing the bedtime routine when she said, "There's a lizard in the fan." So I'm playing along, thinking about how she has a crazy imagination. She said it again, and I looked up at the ceiling where I saw a little stain. That must be the "lizard." No, the kiddo kept insisting there was a lizard in the fan.

When I finally actually looked at the ceiling fan, there, outlined against the glass bowl of the light fixture, was a lizard.

The interloper was removed, but we can't figure out how he got there.

New category

The kiddo spends most of her time as a baby feline. Little cat, little jaguar, little tiger are most common, but sometimes she's a rabbit or a puppy. One never knows, and she gets very offended when addressed incorrectly. This was a new one.

Kiddo: [Animal noise]
T.G.: Oh, look, it's the baby jaguar!
Kiddo, indignant: No, it's a dinosaur chimp!

Moist

One kiddo-ism that seems to be sticking:

soggy, adj. "when my ears are frusterated," or the state of being displeased with loud noises. Ex. The carpet being installed upstairs is making my ears soggy.

Strong medicine

Kiddo approaches with an empty curry powder tin.

Her: Have some cranky powder!
Me: Curry powder?
Her: No, cranky powder. Try it and see if you like it.

Genuine

Kiddo explains cooking dried beans:

"We soaked 'em, and cooked 'em, and stirred 'em, and now they're REAL."

The closer

Some of the eighth graders were trading "your mom" jokes, but they had to stop when one of them came out with:

"I would say something about your mother, but cows are sacred in my culture."

Mistaken

What I heard: "I don't want a dog, I want a knife."
What she said: "I don't want it dark, I want it light."

New rules

"Don't poke your sister with the lightsaber. Or Yoda."

"No peas in your suitcase."

set me up

Me: I'm gonna call...
Kiddo: Who ya gonna call?
Me: Ghostbusters!
Kiddo: What are they like?

Censored

Before dinner this evening, I was persistently instructed to close the book I was perusing and put it down, because it was DANGEROUS. It was a Wodehouse anthology. When I did shut it, the kiddo immediately delivered it to Daddy. I guess he is impervious to the dangers of Bertie.

Instead, I was exhorted to look at (but not read) a Bible storybook. It's possible that we're living with a reincarnation of Elsie Dinsmore.