The closer

Some of the eighth graders were trading "your mom" jokes, but they had to stop when one of them came out with:

"I would say something about your mother, but cows are sacred in my culture."

Mistaken

What I heard: "I don't want a dog, I want a knife."
What she said: "I don't want it dark, I want it light."

New rules

"Don't poke your sister with the lightsaber. Or Yoda."

"No peas in your suitcase."

set me up

Me: I'm gonna call...
Kiddo: Who ya gonna call?
Me: Ghostbusters!
Kiddo: What are they like?

Censored

Before dinner this evening, I was persistently instructed to close the book I was perusing and put it down, because it was DANGEROUS. It was a Wodehouse anthology. When I did shut it, the kiddo immediately delivered it to Daddy. I guess he is impervious to the dangers of Bertie.

Instead, I was exhorted to look at (but not read) a Bible storybook. It's possible that we're living with a reincarnation of Elsie Dinsmore.

Han

T.G.: I love you.
Kiddo: I know.

Precision

The kiddo informed me today that ewoks are not fuzzy, they are fluffy. We have a Star Wars 1-2-3 book out from the library.

Later she informed me that the TIE Advanced pictured in the book was stuck on the moon, but Mater (from Cars) would help get it unstuck.

STOP

Me, confused about the date: I'm so confused. I'll figure it out.
Kiddo: Have you figured it yet?
Me, consulting phone: Yes, it's 8:21 on August 25th.
Kiddo: That's not the point. It's cicada time.

Got it

T.G. is putting the kiddo to bed.

T.G.: Do you want an animal?
Kiddo: Blue-beaw.
T.G.: Which one is Bluebell?
Kiddo: No, blue-beaw.
T.G.: Bluebell?
Kiddo: [Holds up her purple teddy] THE. BLUE. ONE.

Everyone's a comedian

Me: Was that obedient or disobedient?
Kiddo: It was happy-bedient!