Human development

Both of my kids are placing phone calls on dominos.

Kid 2: WARLAAAAH! DUH-BEE? LAHRAH DAH LAH!

Kid 1: Daddy, are you okay with pteranodons in your car?

Indirect discourse

While I was doing lunch dishes, the kiddo dragged her kitchen stool to the counter, climbed up, and stood looking at a plate of leftover cutout cookies.

Me: What are you doing, Kiddo?

Her: Jus' looking at the cookies.

Me: Are you still hungry?

Her: No.

Me: Do you want more tuna salad?

Her: No.

Me: Another carrot?

Her: No.

Me: What are you doing?

Her: Jus' looking at the cookies.

Me: ... Do you want another cookie?

Her: I'll have a heart one!

Bupkis

Scene: Kiddo has selected a dum-dum lollipop for each of her parents. One of the flavors is represented in the wrapper by it's traditional container.

Her: Dad loves rhubarb! Daddy gets the rhubarb one.
Me: I don't think they make rhubarb lollipops.
Her: It's rhubarb. See, RHUBARB.
Me: Oh, it's root beer.
Her: Yeah, root beer. Daddy loves rootbarb! It comes in bupkis. Buckis. What are these?
Me: Buckets?
Her: Yeah! No, not buckets. What are these?
Me: Barrels.
Her: Yeah, barrels. [exit; then, offstage] Dad, I've got a surprise for you! It's a lollipop.
Dad, off-off-stage: Yeah?
Her, still offstage: You get rootbarb! No, MOM, WHAT IS THE ONE IN THE BUCKETS-BARRELS.
Me: It's root beer.
Her: Yeah, root beer.

Five minutes later:
Her: I'm a big fan of lollipops.

Bodies

Her, mildly distressed: My heart is beating!
Me: It always does that. It's supposed to.
Her: Oh.

Overcorrection

Her: He losed!
Me: He lost.
Her: He losed!
Me: He lost.
Her: He did lost.
Me: .... He did lose.

Reinventing the wheel

I ask whether Kiddo is planning to make a sandwich with the plastic lunchmeat in her hand.

"I AM-N'T! ...I'm not."

Referential

Kiddo's version of Dr. Seuss' ABC:

What stuff B?
What stuff B?
What stuff B?
Baby bubbles.
Bumblebee, too.

Secret

"Mom, mom! I'm going to whisper in your ear!"
...
"Dingo wine."

apples and oranges

Kiddo wanted refried beans for snacktime. Okay, fine. She was carrying her bowl to the table when she happily exclaimed, "Yum! It's just like ice cream!"

Cannibalism

Kiddo has been her favorite pig for two straight weeks, which got a bit awkward when I served sandwiches at dinner tonight.

"Baby Wilbur loves ham!"