Wide berth

Kid 1 addresses me in her "Why yes, I am adorable" voice.

"They call me Princess Fighters.... Because I have a baseball bat.... And I hit bad guys with it."

Irrelevant

At the library play area, I look up from my book to see Kid 1 performing an armbar throw on Kid 2. Slightly later:

Me: What were you trying to do?
Kid 1: I love Kid 2 SO MUCH.

Slow food

Kiddo describes how to make an apple smoothie: "First, grow an apple tree..."

Human development

Both of my kids are placing phone calls on dominos.

Kid 2: WARLAAAAH! DUH-BEE? LAHRAH DAH LAH!

Kid 1: Daddy, are you okay with pteranodons in your car?

Indirect discourse

While I was doing lunch dishes, the kiddo dragged her kitchen stool to the counter, climbed up, and stood looking at a plate of leftover cutout cookies.

Me: What are you doing, Kiddo?

Her: Jus' looking at the cookies.

Me: Are you still hungry?

Her: No.

Me: Do you want more tuna salad?

Her: No.

Me: Another carrot?

Her: No.

Me: What are you doing?

Her: Jus' looking at the cookies.

Me: ... Do you want another cookie?

Her: I'll have a heart one!

Bupkis

Scene: Kiddo has selected a dum-dum lollipop for each of her parents. One of the flavors is represented in the wrapper by it's traditional container.

Her: Dad loves rhubarb! Daddy gets the rhubarb one.
Me: I don't think they make rhubarb lollipops.
Her: It's rhubarb. See, RHUBARB.
Me: Oh, it's root beer.
Her: Yeah, root beer. Daddy loves rootbarb! It comes in bupkis. Buckis. What are these?
Me: Buckets?
Her: Yeah! No, not buckets. What are these?
Me: Barrels.
Her: Yeah, barrels. [exit; then, offstage] Dad, I've got a surprise for you! It's a lollipop.
Dad, off-off-stage: Yeah?
Her, still offstage: You get rootbarb! No, MOM, WHAT IS THE ONE IN THE BUCKETS-BARRELS.
Me: It's root beer.
Her: Yeah, root beer.

Five minutes later:
Her: I'm a big fan of lollipops.

Bodies

Her, mildly distressed: My heart is beating!
Me: It always does that. It's supposed to.
Her: Oh.

Overcorrection

Her: He losed!
Me: He lost.
Her: He losed!
Me: He lost.
Her: He did lost.
Me: .... He did lose.

Reinventing the wheel

I ask whether Kiddo is planning to make a sandwich with the plastic lunchmeat in her hand.

"I AM-N'T! ...I'm not."

Referential

Kiddo's version of Dr. Seuss' ABC:

What stuff B?
What stuff B?
What stuff B?
Baby bubbles.
Bumblebee, too.