Moment of truth

Kiddo, wailing: I don't like choices!

Pearls

"I thought I was going to die! But I didn't die."

"Do you know bambees?"
"Do you mean baboons?"
"Yes, bamboons."

To her dinner:
"Oh, silly lamb. He tastes so good."

Horseshoes and grenades

The alphabet song, Kiddo-style:

"...T-I-love-you-V. I know my letters anytime!"

Chili

I had a single steak defrosted that needed to get stretched into dinner for threeish people, so I made up this chili recipe, which I'm noting here for my own use.

Steak and bean chili

2 cups boiling water
4 dried red New Mexican chiles, stems and seeds removed
2 Tbsp oil
1 6-oz steak, cubed
1 medium onion, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
3 cloves of garlic
2 Tbsp chili powder
1 Tbsp cumin
1 tsp oregano
1 large can diced tomatoes
~3 cups fully cooked pinto beans, drained (that's about 1 cup dry beans, soaked and boiled; or 2 15-oz cans)
Salt

In a heat proof container, cover chiles with hot water to reconstitute; set aside.

Heat oil in a 4 quart pot. Fry steak cubes until nicely browned. Remove from pot and set aside. Saute onions, green pepper, and garlic over medium high heat until translucent. Add spices and continue cooking until fragrant.

Add canned tomatoes with their liquid. Using a stick blender, puree soaked chiles in their liquid; add to pot. Return steak cubes with any juices. Add beans, and salt to taste.

Bring to a simmer and hold until ready to eat. This had quite a bit of liquid on it, and I had it uncovered on very low heat for most of the afternoon.

Next time I might soak a couple more chiles and skip the chili powder.

Maybe

Me: Do you want ice in your water?
Her: Yuh-nuh.
Me: Is that yes or no?
Her: Yes, I don't want any.

Repeat ad lib.

I've run the bath too hot and it's causing problems.

Me: Don't get in yet, it's too hot.
Her: But I want to get in!
Me: No, it's too hot; you'll burn yourself.
Her: But I don't want to burn myself.
Me: Right, so don't get in.
Her: But I want to get in.
Me: No, you'll burn yourself.
Her: I don't want to burn myself.

Etc....

So big

Kiddo: Do you eat because it will help you grow?
Me, deciding I don't want to explain why children grow and adults don't: Yes
Kiddo: How big will you be? As big as DAD?

Tortoise

"Team" is a kiddo-ism for "person or group engaged in an athletic activity." She currently enjoys "being a team" by kicking a ball around outside. Tonight I was trying to participate, but, having broken my ankle about ten weeks ago, my "running" technique resembles a flamingo with a peg-leg.

I thought I was doing really well, keeping up with her.

"Mom, I'm the fastest team! You're the slowest team."

Desert-born

The kiddo is outside on the patio, and I come out to ask if she wants to come inside.

"Mom, don't leave me here in the cold wind!"

It's 75.

Little Martha

Kiddo and I made a pile of construction paper fish, which she and Dad were playing with after dinner.

Kiddo: Color [unintelligible] on the fish.
Dad: Do what?
Kiddo: Color parsley on the fish.
Dad: Parsley!?
...
Kiddo: Now eat it. No, take the eyes off.

Okay then

Kiddo, eating salmon (a favorite): This fish is correct.

Lithp

What I thought I heard: I need to watch the witch.
What she actually said: I need to wash the wrench.

Not that that makes much more sense, I guess.

Kids see the darnedest things

Kiddo and I were in her bedroom, doing the bedtime routine when she said, "There's a lizard in the fan." So I'm playing along, thinking about how she has a crazy imagination. She said it again, and I looked up at the ceiling where I saw a little stain. That must be the "lizard." No, the kiddo kept insisting there was a lizard in the fan.

When I finally actually looked at the ceiling fan, there, outlined against the glass bowl of the light fixture, was a lizard.

The interloper was removed, but we can't figure out how he got there.

New category

The kiddo spends most of her time as a baby feline. Little cat, little jaguar, little tiger are most common, but sometimes she's a rabbit or a puppy. One never knows, and she gets very offended when addressed incorrectly. This was a new one.

Kiddo: [Animal noise]
T.G.: Oh, look, it's the baby jaguar!
Kiddo, indignant: No, it's a dinosaur chimp!

Moist

One kiddo-ism that seems to be sticking:

soggy, adj. "when my ears are frusterated," or the state of being displeased with loud noises. Ex. The carpet being installed upstairs is making my ears soggy.

Strong medicine

Kiddo approaches with an empty curry powder tin.

Her: Have some cranky powder!
Me: Curry powder?
Her: No, cranky powder. Try it and see if you like it.

Genuine

Kiddo explains cooking dried beans:

"We soaked 'em, and cooked 'em, and stirred 'em, and now they're REAL."

The closer

Some of the eighth graders were trading "your mom" jokes, but they had to stop when one of them came out with:

"I would say something about your mother, but cows are sacred in my culture."

Mistaken

What I heard: "I don't want a dog, I want a knife."
What she said: "I don't want it dark, I want it light."

New rules

"Don't poke your sister with the lightsaber. Or Yoda."

"No peas in your suitcase."

set me up

Me: I'm gonna call...
Kiddo: Who ya gonna call?
Me: Ghostbusters!
Kiddo: What are they like?

Censored

Before dinner this evening, I was persistently instructed to close the book I was perusing and put it down, because it was DANGEROUS. It was a Wodehouse anthology. When I did shut it, the kiddo immediately delivered it to Daddy. I guess he is impervious to the dangers of Bertie.

Instead, I was exhorted to look at (but not read) a Bible storybook. It's possible that we're living with a reincarnation of Elsie Dinsmore.

Han

T.G.: I love you.
Kiddo: I know.

Precision

The kiddo informed me today that ewoks are not fuzzy, they are fluffy. We have a Star Wars 1-2-3 book out from the library.

Later she informed me that the TIE Advanced pictured in the book was stuck on the moon, but Mater (from Cars) would help get it unstuck.

STOP

Me, confused about the date: I'm so confused. I'll figure it out.
Kiddo: Have you figured it yet?
Me, consulting phone: Yes, it's 8:21 on August 25th.
Kiddo: That's not the point. It's cicada time.

Got it

T.G. is putting the kiddo to bed.

T.G.: Do you want an animal?
Kiddo: Blue-beaw.
T.G.: Which one is Bluebell?
Kiddo: No, blue-beaw.
T.G.: Bluebell?
Kiddo: [Holds up her purple teddy] THE. BLUE. ONE.

Everyone's a comedian

Me: Was that obedient or disobedient?
Kiddo: It was happy-bedient!

Oh, okay

What I thought I heard: "It's got sad Jews in it."

What she actually said: "It's got statues in it."

Been there

Kiddo: Baby, say "Cheese!" . . . She doesn't listen to me.

Sorry, kid, now you know how I feel.

Stylish

My mom wouldn't have had to spend so much time with hair spray and foam rollers creating those early 90s big bangs if I'd had hair like the kiddo.

reality

To follow on from yesterday, today we had talking failure.

Kiddo: She says, "I...," she says..., she says.... Look, she's not big enough to talk yet.

Pretending

Kiddo uses to talk as a transitive verb meaning to speak on behalf of. For example, I am often asked to talk her stuffed animals. Now she has a non-verbal sister, so Kiddo occasionally talks the baby.

"She's happy in her swing. She says, 'WOO-HOO! I like to swing.'"
 and my favorite: "She's lookin' at you. She says, 'You're beautiful.'"

Assimilation

It's pretty amazing to me that a toddler can internalize the rules of English construction well enough to create a perfectly idiomatic sentence like "It's a silly Chick-Fil-A cow car!"

Not quite

While a friend was visiting with her small dog, T.G. commented that he hoped someday we would have a large dog, so that the girls could play more roughly with it. A day later, the kiddo proved she was listening but didn't quite get the message.

Kiddo: We're gonna get a BIG dog that I can BEAT!

Pop uncultured

Girl at playground: Do you like Frozen?
Kiddo: I like frozen peas.

crafty

What happens when there are lots of crafty people in the family:

"Mama, I'm gonna knit you a quilt pillow!"

Eggcorn 2

Kiddo 1 is holding Kiddo 2 on the couch and looks up at me (the baby-holding assistant) excitedly.

"She got a heartbeep!"

What...?

A couple about our age is walking past, and the man looks down at my tiny baby and gives us an "Aww w!"

His female companion elbows him in the side and hisses, "We talked about this!"

yup

Also overheard, from a British father to his family touring the Hoover Dam: "We're in the shade, and it's STILL hot!"

Overheard at Hoover Dam

I was changing the Little Bit when two college-age girls walked into the bathroom.

Girl A: Oooh, a baby! I want a baby. My dream is to have at least two babies... max two babies... at least one.
Girl B: My dream is to go backpacking in Europe.

Not helpful

Kiddo is wailing.

Me: What's wrong? Did you hit something?
Her: I hit the floor!

Threat

T.G. couldn't play with the kiddo in just the way she wanted, so she picked up a duffel bag that was sitting on the floor and started to stomp away.

T.G.: Going somewhere?
Kiddo: I'm leaving. I'm taking Mama.

Gaming the system

I told the kiddo she could have a snack when her movie was over.

Fifteen minutes later, with some time left on the movie, she calls to me: "Mom, I'm done with Lightening McQueen." And the TV clicks off.

So she comes in the kitchen, and we get her snack. She takes it back in the living room.

And turns the TV back on to finish the movie.

Many parts, one body

The kiddo got a rather nasty gash on her big toe this morning, which we cleaned up and bandaged. She spent quite a while sitting on my lap recovering her composure. As she began to feel better, she started examining her foot.

"I'm so sowwy I got a hole in you, Toe. Feew better."

Role reversal

Kiddo is playing at the park while I look through the mail.

Her: Hi, I'm Mama.
Me: Does that mean I'm Kiddo?
Her: Yes, you be Kiddo.
Me: Okay. Mama, can you carry me home?
Her: No. You're too heavy; you can walk.

Attitude

The kiddo likes to hold hands whenever we pray. That is our mealtime habit anyway, and something I occasionally do at other times as an aid to focus for both of us. She also tends to blurt out single words while others are praying, and I have never really figured out why. Well, turns out she is just thinking of other things.

T.G. was offering a bedtime prayer, and I finally heard the kiddo's contribution clearly.

"Jake! ... Tweasuh! ... Sword!"

Simile

I have tried to avoid bathroom-themed posts, but T.G. and I were both rolling on the floor last night while I was in the middle of a diaper change. (On that note, who has potty-training tips?) So you've been warned.

Me: Yikes!
Kiddo, matter-of-factly: It's ee-now-mus.
Me: Enormous?
Her, still serious: Like a pickle.

Review: The Whole Pregnancy Handbook: An Obstetrician's Guide to Integrating Conventional and Alternative Medicine Before, During, and After Pregnancy

The Whole Pregnancy Handbook: An Obstetrician's Guide to Integrating Conventional and Alternative Medicine Before, During, and After Pregnancy by Joel Evans

My rating: 1 of 5 stars



Might be better subtitled "An Obstetrician Gutlessly Recommends a Bunch of Ineffective 'Alternative Medicines' that At Least Won't Hurt You." Or "In Which I Recommend Red Raspberry Leaf Tea for Everything Because It Is Totally Inert."

On the other hand, I was happy to see that the doctor-author recommends being very flexible about a birth "plan" and finding a real healthcare provider and then taking his/her advice.

Otherwise, it was definitely not useful to me at all. I was hoping to find some real information (medical studies, for example) about some of the "alternative" options (yoga, chiropractic, various herbs, acupuncture/pressure, diet, hypnosis for childbirth, etc.), and there was none of that. Just a lot of information about what those things are purported to do with some guidelines on what is proven to be dangerous.



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Review: Ender in Exile

Ender in Exile by Orson Scott Card

My rating: 4 of 5 stars



This is much better than the other recent Ender "midquel." Great craftsmanship as is usual from Card. I felt that it suffered from Ender being a bit TOO perfect and insightful. It made Ender a bit irritating and it doesn't fit with the earlier books (which come later in the in-world timeline).

And, as usual, Card has to fit in his Mormon apologetics. This time he points out that it makes total sense to be polygamist when the number of available women is disproportionately low. Um, sure.

Otherwise, I felt this was a good way to connect the Bean and Ender books, wrap up some loose ends from the Bean series, and set up the universe of the Ender series.



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Review: Shadows in Flight

Shadows in Flight by Orson Scott Card

My rating: 3 of 5 stars



So-so. I really enjoyed reading this one, and it was very quick, but it was no. 5 in the series and suffered somewhat from being derivative. You've got the the loving-your-enemy thing, the travel through heating ducts, even a repetition of the Ender/Peter/Valentine trinity.

Still, there aren't many authors beside Card who could make such an action-less book so interesting.



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Synthesis

It's fascinating to see the kiddo combining concepts from various sources, but sometimes she ends up with something like this:

"I'm a tickly crab, and I just eat crabs with my crab-paws!"

Truth to power

Kiddo addresses an important issue with one of her parents: "Your butt is... pretty huge."

Learning

Kiddo makes Mama proud: 
After naptime, I asked the kiddo if she wanted to help me make bread. She dragged her stepstool to our baking station and surveyed the countertop.

Her: Fiwst, we need some ingwedients.

Kiddo makes Daddy proud:
 T.G. and Kiddo are going to watch some music videos on YouTube.

Him: What should we listen to?
Her: I want a Meshuggah song.

Word hoard

Sometimes one's desire to express oneself outstrips the ability to do so. Then things like this happen:

Us: Kiddo, what's wrong?
Her: I don't remember! I can't say it! I AM NOT OKAY.

Daddy's girl

"I'm a good widdow New Mex'can. Mo' posole please!"

Make your breadwinner sad in one easy step

The kiddo has been refusing to give her dad a hug and kiss when he leaves in the morning, and I think she thinks he might not leave if she doesn't. This morning she did consent to say good-bye.

Her: Bye-bye!
Him: Bye, I love you!
Her: I love you, and I miss you every day.

Awwwwwww.

Texture

The nice thing about having a curly-haired toddler is that when she self-administers a haircut, it's easy to hide.

Introduction

The kiddo was chatting with a lady at the grocery store.

"Nice to meet you. This is my friend Mama."

Change is hard

While vacuuming, I rotated the kitchen table about 45 degrees, so the kiddo had a slightly different view from her clip-on highchair.

Her, despairing: My chair! MY CHAIR! Where is it?
Me: You mean the one you're sitting in?
Her, relieved: It's right here!

Affirmed

It was the kiddo's birthday.

T.G: Isn't this the best cake you've ever had?
Kiddo: This is the best cake in the WORLD!

It was this chocolate cake (in two 8-in. layers) with this strawberry buttercream, by the way.

Shocked, shocked

T.G. was singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" to himself when the kiddo confronted him.

"Daddy?! You killed a man?!"