The closer

Some of the eighth graders were trading "your mom" jokes, but they had to stop when one of them came out with:

"I would say something about your mother, but cows are sacred in my culture."

Mistaken

What I heard: "I don't want a dog, I want a knife."
What she said: "I don't want it dark, I want it light."

New rules

"Don't poke your sister with the lightsaber. Or Yoda."

"No peas in your suitcase."

set me up

Me: I'm gonna call...
Kiddo: Who ya gonna call?
Me: Ghostbusters!
Kiddo: What are they like?

Censored

Before dinner this evening, I was persistently instructed to close the book I was perusing and put it down, because it was DANGEROUS. It was a Wodehouse anthology. When I did shut it, the kiddo immediately delivered it to Daddy. I guess he is impervious to the dangers of Bertie.

Instead, I was exhorted to look at (but not read) a Bible storybook. It's possible that we're living with a reincarnation of Elsie Dinsmore.