Conversational

[An 18-month-old, Kid 2, walks into the kitchen where her mother is doing some work, including slicing a block of cheese.]

Kid 2: Tee! Tee! Tee! (Cheese! Cheese! Cheese!)
[Mother hands Kid 2 a slice of cheese.]
Kid 2: Tinks! (Thanks!) Bye-bye-bye-bye.
[Exit.]

There's always next year

Scene: It's Sunday night, and the family is discussing football at the dinner table.

Kiddo: Bengals and Cardinals are my favorite teams.
Mom: Pampa will be happy to hear that. But what about the Vikings?
Dad: Do you like the Vikings?
Kiddo, apologetically: I don't like Vikings. They don't... They don't really do touchdowns.

Obvious

Kid 1 is playing outside with her friends after church.

Kiddo: I'M IN THE TREE. I'M INNNNNN THE TREEEEEE!
Friend: That's not how you play hide and seek.

Congruent

Kid 1 has composed two songs, "Go to Sleep" and "Christmas."

"Go to Sleep" is a lullaby for her sister and is sung to the famous tune known as Ah! vous dirai-je, maman. It goes:

A, B, C, D,
Go to sleep!

"Christmas" is described as her favorite Christmas song and has the same melody.

A, B, C, D,
Christmas hat!

Software bugs

Kid 1 had three volume settings: Normal, Yelling, and Shrieking. (She didn't get it from me. I'm blaming dad's mom's branch of the family [you know who you are].) Unfortunately, the Normal setting has a funny quirk where, after .5-2 seconds, it reverts to one of the other two settings at random.

You might live with a classicist if...

...it's Christmastime and you're a little miffed at Bing Crosby and Andrea Bocelli for pronouncing "Venite adoremus" wrong.

The twenty-third day before Christmas

O Come, All Ye Faithful
Attributed to John Francis Wade
Translator: Frederick Oakeley
Tune: Adeste Fideles

O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant,
O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem;
come and behold him, born the King of angels;

O come, let us adore him, O come, let us adore him,
O come, let us adore him, Christ the Lord.

God of God, Light of Light;
lo, he abhors not the Virgin's womb;
very God, begotten, not created; 

Sing, choirs of angels, sing in exultation,
sing, all ye citizens of heav'n above:
glory to God in the highest; 

Yea, Lord, we greet thee, born this happy morning;
Jesus, to thee be all glory giv'n;
Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing;

Adeste fideles læti triumphantes,
Venite, venite in Bethlehem.
Natum videte
Regem angelorum: 

Venite adoremus
Dominum. 

Deum de Deo, lumen de lumine
Gestant puellæ viscera
Deum verum, genitum non factum. 

Cantet nunc io, chorus angelorum;
Cantet nunc aula cælestium,
Gloria, gloria in excelsis Deo, 

Ergo qui natus die hodierna.
Jesu, tibi sit gloria,
Patris æterni Verbum caro factum.

Luke 2:10-18 (KJV)

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child. And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.

From the Nicene Creed:

I believe [...] in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only-begotten Son of God,

begotten of his Father before all worlds:
God of God, Light of Light, very God of very God,
[... Who] was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the virgin Mary,

John 1:14 (KJV)

And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.

The twenty-fourth day before Christm

Comfort, Comfort Ye My People (modernized as "Comfort, Comfort O/Now/All My People")

Translator: Catherine Winkworth

Author: Johann Olearius (1671)
Tune: Genevan 42 (Louis Bourgeois)

Comfort, comfort ye my people,
Speak ye peace, thus saith our God;
Comfort those who sit in darkness,
Mourning 'neath their sorrows' load;
Speak ye to Jerusalem
Of the peace that waits for them,
Tell her that her sins I cover,
And her warfare now is over. 

Yea, her sins our God will pardon,
Blotting out each dark misdeed;
All that well deserved His anger
He will no more see nor heed.
She hath suffer'd many a day,
Now her griefs have passed away,
God will change her pining sadness
Into ever-springing gladness. 

For Elijah's voice is crying
In the desert far and near,
Bidding all men to repentance,
Since the kingdom now is here.
Oh that warning cry obey,
Now prepare for God a way;
Let the valleys rise to meet Him,
And the hills bow down to greet Him. 

Make ye straight what long was crooked,
Make the rougher places plain,
Let your hearts be true and humble,
As befits His holy reign;
For the glory of the Lord
Now o'er earth is shed abroad,
And all flesh shall see the token
That His Word is never broken.

St. Olaf College Cantorei

Solo voice and acoustic guitar

What is this I can't even

Isaiah 40:1-5 (KJV)
Comfort ye, comfort ye my people, saith your God. Speak ye comfortably to Jerusalem, and cry unto her, that her warfare is accomplished, that her iniquity is pardoned: for she hath received of the Lord's hand double for all her sins. The voice of him that crieth in the wilderness, Prepare ye the way of the Lord, make straight in the desert a highway for our God. Every valley shall be exalted, and every mountain and hill shall be made low: and the crooked shall be made straight, and the rough places plain: And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it.

(Also famously set by Handel)

Wide berth

Kid 1 addresses me in her "Why yes, I am adorable" voice.

"They call me Princess Fighters.... Because I have a baseball bat.... And I hit bad guys with it."

Irrelevant

At the library play area, I look up from my book to see Kid 1 performing an armbar throw on Kid 2. Slightly later:

Me: What were you trying to do?
Kid 1: I love Kid 2 SO MUCH.

Slow food

Kiddo describes how to make an apple smoothie: "First, grow an apple tree..."

Human development

Both of my kids are placing phone calls on dominos.

Kid 2: WARLAAAAH! DUH-BEE? LAHRAH DAH LAH!

Kid 1: Daddy, are you okay with pteranodons in your car?

Indirect discourse

While I was doing lunch dishes, the kiddo dragged her kitchen stool to the counter, climbed up, and stood looking at a plate of leftover cutout cookies.

Me: What are you doing, Kiddo?

Her: Jus' looking at the cookies.

Me: Are you still hungry?

Her: No.

Me: Do you want more tuna salad?

Her: No.

Me: Another carrot?

Her: No.

Me: What are you doing?

Her: Jus' looking at the cookies.

Me: ... Do you want another cookie?

Her: I'll have a heart one!

Bupkis

Scene: Kiddo has selected a dum-dum lollipop for each of her parents. One of the flavors is represented in the wrapper by it's traditional container.

Her: Dad loves rhubarb! Daddy gets the rhubarb one.
Me: I don't think they make rhubarb lollipops.
Her: It's rhubarb. See, RHUBARB.
Me: Oh, it's root beer.
Her: Yeah, root beer. Daddy loves rootbarb! It comes in bupkis. Buckis. What are these?
Me: Buckets?
Her: Yeah! No, not buckets. What are these?
Me: Barrels.
Her: Yeah, barrels. [exit; then, offstage] Dad, I've got a surprise for you! It's a lollipop.
Dad, off-off-stage: Yeah?
Her, still offstage: You get rootbarb! No, MOM, WHAT IS THE ONE IN THE BUCKETS-BARRELS.
Me: It's root beer.
Her: Yeah, root beer.

Five minutes later:
Her: I'm a big fan of lollipops.

Bodies

Her, mildly distressed: My heart is beating!
Me: It always does that. It's supposed to.
Her: Oh.

Overcorrection

Her: He losed!
Me: He lost.
Her: He losed!
Me: He lost.
Her: He did lost.
Me: .... He did lose.

Reinventing the wheel

I ask whether Kiddo is planning to make a sandwich with the plastic lunchmeat in her hand.

"I AM-N'T! ...I'm not."

Referential

Kiddo's version of Dr. Seuss' ABC:

What stuff B?
What stuff B?
What stuff B?
Baby bubbles.
Bumblebee, too.

Secret

"Mom, mom! I'm going to whisper in your ear!"
...
"Dingo wine."

apples and oranges

Kiddo wanted refried beans for snacktime. Okay, fine. She was carrying her bowl to the table when she happily exclaimed, "Yum! It's just like ice cream!"

Cannibalism

Kiddo has been her favorite pig for two straight weeks, which got a bit awkward when I served sandwiches at dinner tonight.

"Baby Wilbur loves ham!"

Correlation

Kiddo's first stab at birds and bees: "When I get big, I'm going to break my ankle and get a baby."

Growing up

Kiddo 2 is ten months old now and getting more independent. This morning it was getting on toward naptime while I was working in the kitchen, and kiddo started to tired-cry a little while playing in the living room. I thought she would come find me, but she went the other way instead. A few minutes later, I found her in her bedroom, where she had climbed into Big Sister's bed to cuddle Tigger-Tiger. Awwwww.

Sublime

It's a mystery known only to preschoolers how I can give the Kiddo two ounces of cheese to shred and end up with a one ounce block of cheese, a dirty cheese shredder, a light sprinkling of cheese on the floor, and nothing on the cutting board. "Did you eat it, Kiddo?" "Nooooooo."

Dissembling

Kid 1 has taken to blaming the baby for doing things that are actually Kid 1's fault.

"She bit me!"
Maybe don't stick your fingers in her mouth.

"She has the thermometer."
Probably shouldn't have given it to her.

"She stole my water!"
You mean the sippy cup you dropped into the crib?

displaced

We're moving, and most of our furniture is in storage. Kiddo was granted snacktime and ran into the living room.

"I'm gonna sit on the COUCH! [Pause] I'm gonna sit on the floor."

Denominated

Kiddo asks me to name things, and she always rejects my first suggestion.

A plastic gorilla:
Me: Silverback?
Her: No, that's not a good name.
Me: Muscles?
Her: Yes.

A spongy owl:
Me: Whoobert?
Her: No, that's not a good name.
Me: Wingifred?
Her: Yes.

The two princesses on the front of the off-brand pull-ups:
Me: Peas and Carrots?
Her: No, that's not a good name.
Me: Thelma and Louise?
Her: Yes.

Incidentally, Peas and Carrots actually stuck, so I get a story about Peas and Carrots's adventures nightly.

Review: As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride

As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride by Cary Elwes

My rating: 3 of 5 stars



Charming, and exactly what you would expect.



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Review: Watchmen

Watchmen by Alan Moore

My rating: 3 of 5 stars



I'm just plain bad at reading graphic novels (it's hard for me to see the text and the illustration at the same time), which hinders my enjoyment. I liked it all right, but I thought a lot of the parallelism was heavy-handed, and there are no likable characters. I like clarity and resolution in my fiction, so this just wasn't really for me.

On the pro- side: I'm told it's historically important as a comic book/graphic novel, and it did hold my attention. I wanted to know what would happen; but then when I did, I didn't care for what happened.

Also, preschoolers are pretty intrigued by books with naked blue guys in them.



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Miss Mason Regrets

Me: We're not going to check that one out.
Her: Why?
Me: It's twaddle.
Her: I like twaddle.

Fakir

Her: I can't feel my car seat.
Me: So you're saying you're just floating there?
Her: Yeah.
Me: When did you learn to levitate?
Her: Three months ago.

kitchen stuff

Kiddo wanted strawberry cake with vanilla ice cream for her birthday. I used this recipe, which was one of the few I could find that didn't use flavorings or Jell-O. The strawberry flavor was subtle but good, and without food coloring, it wasn't really pink. I put vanilla in the whipping cream and stabilized it with gelatin.

Blackberry ice cream was good, but frozen seeds are pretty bad.

I made a chicken-posole stew that turned out well. What I did is below, but I would change a few things. Canned tomatoes in the beginning instead of salsa at the end. No cream. Brown the chicken and onions first. Use chicken broth. Maybe cook the chicken thighs whole and shred them; bone-in would have better flavor, but remove skin.

1 lb. fresh posole
2 lbs. boneless skinless chicken thighs, cubed
1/2 onion, diced
1/2 cup chopped, roasted green chile
Water
1/4 cup cream
3/4 cup salsa

In a low slow-cooker, simmer posole in enough water to cover for an hour, until it has popped." Add chicken, onion, chile, more water if needed. Keep slow cooker on low for four more hours.

Add cream and salsa before serving. Garnish with more salsa, sour cream, cheese, tomatoes, green onions, avocados.

Shapes

Favorite sentence of the day:

Gwab dat purpoh twapezoid.

Stop asking me that

Why not
Because
[offstage] WHY? WHY?!
Because... I can't answer that question.
OKAY.

Why did you say why
Because I was pretending to be you, and you say why a lot
Why do I say why
That's your developmental phase
Yeah

Backfired

From the backseat at hour 16 (of 24) of our drive home from Grandma's:

"I'm being good! I gave [6-month-old] some of my cheese crackers."