Dear baby

Dear baby,

Before you arrive, I wanted to tell about our life—and yours—before you were born.
This spring, your dad was still in graduate school and I was working at the opera. One night in the middle of May, I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to cook, so we went to Yogi's (a sports bar with great cheap chili fries) for dinner. When we left, I joked that maybe I was pregnant--and then I realized that I could actually be pregnant. My first pregnancy test didn't work at all, and the second was very faintly positive. I had to tell your dad that I thought I was probably pregnant, and he agreed that it looked that way.

We were excited, but we knew things would change. Your dad was pretty stressed out. He had just found out that his grad school funding was being cut and the program didn't really want him to continue. So he was trying to decide if he would start looking for his first full-time job, or do something else.  We had always intended that I would stay at home with you, but of course at least one of us needed to have a job!

The first people who knew about you were actually some of the ladies from our church who were in my book club. They advised me on choosing a doctor for you. Eventually I decided to see a certified nurse midwife and made an appointment. The midwife did an ultrasound, and I found out I had been pregnant for a month longer than I thought! You were already ten weeks old, and I got a picture of you with your little nubbins of arms and legs.  When I got home from work that day, I took the picture to your dad.  He was speechless.  He thought you were beautiful right away.

Dad wanted to be involved as much as he could right away. He did a lot for me when I was tired or feeling sick, and when I picked up a stack of baby name books at the library, he got to them before I did and made a list of the names he liked. We picked out a boy's name and a girl's name together.
We told Grandma and Grandpa F. about you over the phone, but Grandma and Grandpa J. came to visit us in Bloomington so we got to tell them in person. Of course, Grandpa J. had already figured it out—he's impossible to surprise. We had planned to tell them in the evening, but we also met for lunch at Chipotle and your dad made a comment about how I was eating a lot. That made your grandpa suspect what was up.

I did feel tired and sick sometimes, but mostly I've had a perfect pregnancy. Even when I was nauseated during the first trimester, I never threw up. I went to work with a big bag of food every day—leftovers and yogurt and nuts and probably too much chocolate.  For a while I couldn't stand to cook. Handling raw meat was awful. There were a couple of nights that all I could make was plain boiled chicken and white rice, which your dad ate without complaint even though he didn't much like it. He cooked quite a bit too, but sometimes that didn't make me feel better either. The smell and taste of soy sauce was horrible. I could smell a bowl of salsa from rooms away.

Your dad had started looking for a job. He must have sent out a hundred resumes, and it was very frustrating. At first, he was feeling pretty burnt out with classics and applied for some jobs based on his work at the National Lab. Later he started applying for private school jobs too. Most places never even got back to him; he had one phone interview, but it didn't go anywhere. Finally, at the beginning of July, a school in Scottsdale, AZ, called and asked him to fly down and teach a sample class. He went even though he had to cut his shoulder-length hair short and take out his earring (he did that for you!), and they offered him the job.  We were very excited—it looked like a good fit, and it was pretty close to your dad's family. But even before the deadline for his response, Dad got an e-mail saying that the job offer was withdrawn. We were shocked and frustrated. He had planned to call and accept the job that day. Now we know that God used that job offer to prepare us for his next opportunity, but at the time it just seemed like his only chance at a job had evaporated without explanation.  I started to believe that I would keep working, and your dad would be a househusband for a while.

Early that spring, I had planned to work at Camp Shetek for one week in July, so I traveled to Minnesota by train right at the beginning of the second trimester. All my nausea and tiredness had disappeared overnight. I got to tell a lot of friends about you in person, which was fun. I was working in the kitchen, of course, and Mom Judy wouldn't let me handle any cleaning products or climb the stepladder to get things from the high shelves in the pantry. Summer Harms had just had a baby, and Audra was pregnant, so it was fun to talk to them about the future. I wasn't really showing yet, but I was wearing maternity shorts because they were much more comfortable.  I think I'm the only pregnant War Games sniper ever. 

On my Thursday in Minnesota, I came back from dinner to find seven missed calls on my phone, and a message from Dad to call him back right away. When I reached him, he told me that on Wednesday he had sent a resume to another charter school in the Phoenix area, and the head of school had called him back, interviewed him over the phone, and offered him the job all in one day! They needed an answer right away. Not only that, but they wanted him to be in Arizona by the end of the next week for a teacher-training retreat. The job would involve teaching Latin and ancient history to middle- or high-schoolers, and maybe he would get to teach Greek eventually. In just a few minutes over the phone, we decided that this was a good opportunity, and Dad should take the job. Now we know that was a good decision, but it was a big step of faith at the time.

I was so relieved that your dad had a job, but I knew I would have to quit my job and pack up our condo and get it on the market mostly by myself. That was a busy time, and I was fortunate to have a lot of help from Grandma F. (who helped me pack), a crew of guys from our church (who painted the condo and packed the moving van), and Grandpa J. (who drove the moving van cross-country by himself). Your dad got started at his job and found a place for us to live by the time I got there on August 13. Aunt B. and Uncle E. came to help us unpack, too.

Because of the move, the usual 20-week ultrasound had to get delayed. I was at twenty-five weeks before I had found a new place for prenatal care. The next week I went to get an ultrasound by myself. I got to see you and your little fingers, and even your brain and heart! Your dad and I wanted to find out if you were a boy or girl together, so the tech had me close my eyes while she checked that out, printed and labeled a picture, and put it in an envelope for me. She said you looked perfectly healthy and just the right size.

I picked up your dad at work at day, and when we got home, we opened up the envelope and found out you are a girl! We were happy. I think your dad is especially excited to have a little girl—since he doesn’t have any sisters, it’s a totally new adventure for him.

Now we’re just waiting for you! Every month (and now every week) I see a midwife to get weighed and measured and to hear your heartbeat, and they tell me everything seems perfect. I feel you kicking and moving around quite a bit. Last night you had the hiccups. You’ve been head down since the ultrasound. A few weeks ago, we went to get the hospital tour, and we did a one-night birthing class with the midwives, too.  Like I said before, the pregnancy has been very uneventful. I’ve had four or five people tell me that I have a “cute” or “perfect” belly—you were adorable even before you were born!

We’ve had four baby showers for you! One in Minnesota, one in New Mexico, and one with each of our churches in Bloomington and Phoenix.  Your grandparents and aunts and uncles have been especially generous in helping us prepare for you. Last week, Grandma J. came to spend some time with us to get the apartment nice and fill up the freezer. We arranged all your things in our bedroom, and all of the cloth diapers I picked out for you arrived.

Yesterday was exactly one week from your official due date, and your dad noticed that it looks like you have dropped a little lower. Today I feel a bit crampy and tight, so I hope that’s a good sign. I’m sure you’re sick of Dad poking at you and reminding you that you should show up before his Christmas break ends, so please come soon! I’ve packed my hospital bag, and I tucked in the little yellow sweatsuit I wore home from the hospital for you.

Love,
Mom